Malignant is such an ugly word

In early December I noticed what I thought was swelling on the left side of my throat. I was convinced I felt it. I had the SU feel for it but he felt nothing but not convinced I headed off to the doctor to have him check it out. You see my father died from cancer that started in his throat and we were warned to be on the watch for similar cancers, so I don't want to take a chance.

However, the doctor doesn't feel anything either. Just to be sure though, and given my family history, he sent me for an Ultrasound.

A few days after the Ultrasound, much quicker then I'd anticipated, I get a call to come in and see the doctor as soon as I can.

It seems that the left side is completely clean, no problem at all but the Ultrasound indicates that there is an "undefined" mass on the right side attached to the Parotid gland (one of the Salivary glands). More testing is needed to determine what that mass might be.

In January I went for a CT-Scan to get a better view of the mass. It took a while to get the results back, and I think they were misplaced for a while but I finally got the results in late February. The usual time period for results is 3-4 weeks, mine took 6.

While the CT-Scan still cannot definitively say what the mass is, it is indicative of a Parotid Neoplasm, which may be malignant. More testing is needed and certainly a biopsy is indicated to determine malignancy. I know they're being careful and looking out for me but if they can't tell what it is, I think it's irresponsible to be throwing words like malignant around. It certainly scared the SU, well both of us really.

The next step, the biopsy, is scheduled for Thursday of this week, I think. I'm seeing the ENT guy at least on Thursday.

We're stressing, of course. We're trying not too but we are.

The possible diagnoses raises lots of questions. Should I continue to look for a job? If it turns out to something, even if it's a benign mass, I'm still facing surgery to remove it, add to that recovery time, kemo treatments if they're needed. It does not seem the best time to be starting a new job.

And yet I cannot continue to own my home and pay my bills unless I have a job that pays a decent salary. And if I was lucky enough to land such a job in the next couple of weeks? Would I be able to keep it having to take time off for surgery and cancer treatments? I think not.

Where to we go from here? We're not sure. Nothing is sure until we see the doctor this week.